Me – Unedited

I’ve wanted to write for so long and I can say I’ve been busy (which I have) or I ‘ve been tryna sort out my thoughts (which is true) or some other excuse (which probably has its origin somewhere in the truth) and I still don’t know what to write so I’ll let this flow.

I’m sorry for not having time for my friends lately, I’ve been too caught up in my own little world and too absorbed planning for everything that just might go wrong. I usually know exactly what to say – the right words are always at the tip of my tongue but lately I’ve been outta sort.
I’ve had to depend on people,
I’ve had to let go of control,
I’ve had to let people in,
I’ve had to show my heart.
I love to be needed – I hate needing someone but life has taught me it works both ways. I hafta need you, you need to need me so we can help each other and ‘relate’ like ‘ships’.. I’m not the me I used to be – far from it – yet I’m not the me I should be but I hope I’m getting closer everyday.

I try too hard to sound right now it sounds fake even to me. I try so hard not to let my feelings show it sounds forced even to me. I try too hard to remain unattached it sounds cold even to me. I try so hard to be different it sounds desperate even to me.

I try – This I do.
I guess I should just feel and let it flow …
I’ll try that – No I’ll do
And hopefully I’ve not sank too low.

I wanna believe in love – and happily ever after.
Okay maybe I do, just not for me,
It may happen who knows – then again I’m just another …
Another being, another case, another slave who’s been set free.

I believe in someday … I really do
I believe in family, I want kids too
I believe in love, I believe in two

Again I’m sorry if I’ve come across as strange to you, I’m trying to figure out what next to do, the next step to take and sometimes its not as easy as putting one foot in front of the next.

I’m not reading through before I post this – I hope its okay but then even if it isn’t its straight from my heart.

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