To Bae or not to Bae … Can you afford this?

Now I never really understood the meaning of bae (I really still don’t) but I recently saw sagachristos’ ‘To boo or not to boo’ and I thought to myself, the ladies definitely have to strike back!!! Btw if you read it I fall in the ‘His grace is enough’ category ūüė• and yes we still need to get a bae soon so this time we are determining our bride price. They think they can handle us but we may need them to make up for certain areas they lack by trying to compensate our family for making us lower our standards :p (Yeah I went there!).

As this is not typical me I’m finding it hard to come up with figures (also because I’m superpriceless ūüėČ ) so I took some categories they considered and put a spin on others plus a few I made up. Again I’m doing this to alleviate (check a dictionary :p) my boredom and erase the last traces of writer’s block and NOT to get on anyone’s nerves or under anyone’s skin … Lol! Okay so I’ll go back to semi normal after this I promise (fingers crossed) ūüėÄ

The bride price starts at  7 million (just to be fair -_-). Here goes nothing X_X

Age:       21 Р25 (-N500,000.00)
25 – 32 (N0.00)
Above 32 (+N500,000.00)

Looks
Body Shape:¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Fit + Rock Solid Body (N0.00) ¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† *side note: I need a ‘pillowable’ body guys ūüėÄ
Fit + Okay body – Pot belly (-N100,000.00)
Pot belly + Flabby (+N500,000.00)
BONUS: Teddy bear ‘wrap-me-able’ (-N250,000.00) ¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† *side note: I’m a sucker for hugs!!!

Body Form:        Skinny                   (+N200,000)
Superbuff           (+150,000)
Teddy bearish   (N-100,000)
Romance novel specimen (N0.00) ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†(for example see below and no I haven’t read this one. I just googled it)

COver
*side note: Too much wahala to keep my jealousy in check *shrugs*

Face:     Super cute and head turning (-N500,000)
Ehhn just okay (-N100,000)
If I look again there’s something about you (+N350,000)
Beauty is in the eye of the holder (+N750,000)
Beauty is on the inside (Lemme just say +N1,000,000)

Height: ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† Tall – 6’1 to 6’4 ft¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† (+N100,000)
Average – 5’8 to 6’1 ft¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† (-N230,000)
Short – 5’5 to 5.7 ft¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† (+N187,236.98)
Not in any category                         (+N239,765.37)

Dress Code:        Boy Band Cute (+N100,000)
Smart and sophisticated but with your own twist (-N70,000)
Gangster (+500,000)
BONUS: Sagging is the in thing mentality (+500,000)

Complexion: ¬†¬†¬†¬† I’ll be nice not to discriminate but
If I can’t see you in the dark ¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† (+N500,000)
If I can’t see you under the sun¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† (+N1,000,000)

Gifting Talent:   Everything Pink (+N100,000)

Cliche gifts – Flowers and Chocolates only (+150,000)
Gifts unique to me (-N350,000)                 *side note: Yeah yeah, we all want that :p

BONUS: Can cook well   (-N200,000)

 

Sense of humour:            Totally hilarious                                 (-N400,000)

Can always make me laugh          (-N550,000)

Laughs at everything                      (N0.00)

King of dry jokes                              (+100,000)

What does laughter feel like?     (+N500,000)

 

Language control:            Very good spoken and written English РAccent (-N300,000)

Average spoken and written English – Accent (-N100,000)

Above criteria + Slight accent (N0.00)

Hayvee Hassent (+N350,000)

Abeg na me and my guys jus dey yan (+450,000)

English hard o (+750,000)

 

God Level:          God speaks to me (Not pick up line :p )                  (-N500,000)

Me and God are cool                                                      (-N100,000)

I aint there but i’m getting there¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† (N0.00)

Abeg all that one na yan, man gats hustle             (+N500,000)

 

Brain Level:¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Genius¬† (-N350,000)¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† *side note: you can’t always be right though. Take note!

Relatively Average (-N100,000)

Average (N0.00)

Typical jock (+N250,000)

Video games are my future (+N500,000)

 

Monthly Income:             Salary Earner I can afford you and me     (-N400,000)

Salary Earner I can take care of myself just okay                (-N100,000)

Salary Earner I can barely afford myself (N0.00)

Monthly allowance from the folks            (+N250,000)

Sometimes business doesn’t show fruits maybe next month¬†¬† (+N425,000)

 

Okay this thing is hard work I’m tired X_X. Anyway you get the drift. So take the small starting price and get adding (or subtracting) and lemme know who can get lower than 3 million :* :* :* plus I was super nice to put in small bonuses :D. Can you afford it? *evil grin*

Love you guys! Boundary II coming up soon. And don’t forget to leave your thoughts.

Hmmm … I wonder how much sagachristos can knock off …

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One thought on “To Bae or not to Bae … Can you afford this?

  1. Pingback: New Year Announcement | Chilling with Shay

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