In case you missed the last posts:
‘… It is not self-seeking …’
Selfish is usually the first word that comes to mind when talking about being ‘self-conscious. Selfish means to ‘have regard for oneself above others ‘well-being or hold one’s self interest as the standard for decision making. Self-seeking on a slightly related note means to be mindful of, or promoting only ones own interests. That said, today’s writer, Nomnso is another great writer. Trust me I was pleasantly surprised the first time I read a piece. I won’t toot his horn too much so he doesn’t get too big headed :p Make sure you check out his blog though – diazno.blogspot.com.ng
I promise you’d thank me later!!! Anyway, here’s ‘Love is not self-seeking’ by Chukwunomnso Diali.
I recall a discussion that came up once in one of the youth fora I belong to. One of us while trying to offer relationship advice had insinuated or should I say more like boldly stated that ‘needy’ people aren’t good to be in a relationship with. In his opinion needy people wouldn’t last long in a relationship because of the very possible likelihood of wearing down whomever they have a relationship with, with their numerous, unending needs. Writing this my mind is drawn to the opening lines Bruno Mars’ hit song “Grenade”:
“Easy come, easy go that’s just how you live,
Oh! Take it all, take it all but you never give”.
Reading those lines, it’s clear to see that lots of people agree with the fact that needy people are a no-no. And while I understand the obvious disdain for needy people and could relate with the reasons for the advice to avoid needy people, I had to spark up some sort of controversy (I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t *wink*). My reason for doing this wasn’t just to live up to my reputation as being a troublemaker, I actually felt that taking such a stand would amount to being shallow and failing to consider and /or address the situation holistically.
The truth of the matter is that no one wants to be bugged down which is the ultimate result of being around a needy person, but that in itself hasn’t stopped needy people from being needy!. Why is this so? Also, why are there so many ‘needy’ people in the world today? Why do people feel content to just “Take, take, take it all…and never give”? The answer to this is really simple:
WE ARE ALL CREATURES OF NEED.
And just as some people tend to more caring or more jovial or even more aggressive than others, so do some of us tend to be needier than the rest of us. “No! That can’t be true!” Unfortunately, yes, it is true and no amount of wishing can turn make it untrue.
The story of creation sheds more light of this. In the beginning God created the world with the vegetation, waters and animals (and unless you subscribe to the Big Bang Theory or the Theory of Evolution you probably already know this). He made man to rule over all he created. All was perfect or so it seemed, until God realized that Man was ALONE and in NEED of a companion. This led the Creator to make “Woman” for “Man” thereby taking care of man’s need. Now how is this supposed to change anything? The answer is simple:
“Realize that everyone needs something and focus on meeting the other person’s needs instead of waiting for your own needs to be met”.
This is the definition of selflessness. I can imagine Adam (Man) staring at Eve (Woman) and saying to himself “She’s just what I needed”. How could he not love her? How could he not treat her right? He knew how much need of her he had before he finally had her. We’ve all grown up to believe that love is a choice we make to stay no matter what but we’ve never been told about what would inform us to make such a difficult choice. NEED is the word! Realizing that just as you need someone in your life to help meet your needs, they too need someone to meet their needs. This realization helps translate you from the mind-set of the “Receiver” to that of the “Giver” and increases the likelihood of having more loved ones around. Nothing will be too much, no sacrifice too great, no grudge too important to hold on to – we begin to lose ourselves in the desire to meet their needs as opposed to focusing on our needs being met always.
This applies to every love-relationship known to man because love in its basic, purest form is selfless not because we don’t have needs but because WE ALL HAVE NEEDS. The needy person who understands this would begin to try to meets needs of others not because he has suddenly stopped being needy but because he is indeed very needy. Problem solved! *sips coffee*
Towards a better humanity,
Bottom line – everyone has a need and personally I feel like everyone wants to be needed as well. So we can decide to help each other by meeting needs and in Diazno’s voice ‘Problem solved!’
‘’Love never fails.’’