Dear Dr Love …

Okay people! Its a new year and Dr Love’s coming on board. Send whatever relationship questions you have or issues you need advice on and watch out for Dr Love’s take on it. Send them in to bondess007@ymail.com. Every issue would be addressed but only a few would be posted on here and don’t worry; those posted would remain anonymous! So start sending in your letters … Dr Love’s waiting!!!

Just before you go ahead into the letters, I have a few general tips about relationships so get clicking on those links!!!

General Rules for Guys and Gals

Interested?: For Guys

Interested?: For Gals

Dear Dr Love,

When is the right time to start a relationship? What’s your take on something like kissing? I’m a Christian and want to do the right thing so what do you think would be Jesus’ boundary?

Ready or not.

Dear Ready or not,

I don’t believe there’s a right time for a relationship by the book. You just know when you’re ready. You have to be mature enough to handle another person’s emotions, consider this other being in making decisions and be willing to compromise sometimes on certain ‘not so relevant’ issues. About boundaries, it depends on the people involved. They should discuss their boundaries – For some a hug is too far, for others a kiss is okay so it depends on them. As for Jesus’ boundary, I’d confidently say that he says lustful thoughts are already considered as fornication or adultery so don’t deceive yourself that you ain’t having sex. If a hug makes you think lustful thoughts then that’s your limit – Don’t hug. Hope I’ve been of help!

Dr Love.

Dear Dr Love,

I’m not in a relationship at the moment but I have crushes all the time. I think that’s one reason I’m not in a relationship. How exactly do you deal with crushes?

Crushaholic.

Dear Crushaholic,

I’m a sort of ‘crushaholic’ myself. Ultimately its a self control issue. You should learn to control your emotions – Everyone has to learn to control their emotions even normal ones such as anger. At the end of the day, don’t be ‘led’ to do something you’ll regret. Take control of how youy feel and be rational even around the person. You never know it may develop past a crush or you just might end up not liking the person as ‘dating material’.

Dr Love.

Dear Dr Love,

All these girls be saying they like this guy and he ain’t putting a move on ’em. What about them quiet guys like me? Sometimes I hafta work up the nerve to talk to a girl I really like even if she’s just the girl next door. What I’m saying is sometimes the girl gotta make a move that’s all. There’s really no question. Just wanted to point that out. Okay I’m out!

Guy next door.

Dear Guy Next Door,

I really do appreciate your letter because I know there are lots of guys like you out there. Yes, sometimes the girl has to make the first move but how would you treat a girl who asked you out? Again, I know there are exceptions to every rule but generally guys don’t respect that girl. Ladies if he needs a shove in the right direction and you know he’s that kind of guy, go ahead and drop hints and in extreme cases maybe tell them outright but I still stand by the guy should make the first move most of the time.

Dr Love.

Dear Dr Love,

I was just going through your blog and decided to write in. I really don’t have a relationship problem. That’s the problem. Its not that guys don’t ask me out but I just can’t say yes to anyone because I feel like I’m not ready for a relationship though most of my friends are and I believe I’m the most mature among us. Anyway my question is that though I’m not in a relationship and I have high moral standards most of the time, I cant help myself with this one guy but he hasn’t asked me out yet. What do I do?

Ms Mature.

Dear Ms Mature,

Thank you for writing in. Your issue isn’t as complicated as you think. First of all, ask yourself why you feel you are not ready for a relationship – fear of commitment?, school?, bad experiences?, waiting for THAT guy? – the list is endless but make sure you know why. That way you don’t go into a relationship for the wrong reasons when you are ‘ready’. Next, about this one guy that hasn’t asked you out yet, is he going to get a ‘YES’? If he is, ask yourself why he’s different. Like I told ‘A Friend’ a few letters below, don’t throw yourself all over him. That just might be why he hasn’t asked yet – ‘cos he’s getting it for free. Basically you need to sit down and ask yourself a lot of questions. Hope you figure it out and write to me and let me know what’s up. All the best hun!

Dr Love.

Dear Dr Love,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now. I always seem to go back to him no matter what he does to hurt me and no matter how hard I try to break free. I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like I’m being used for sex and that’s it because I cant even have an intelligent conversation with him. I don’t know how to break free …

Misunderstood.

Dear Misunderstood,

It’s a good thing you’ve realized yourself that you need to break free. You are talking about your boyfriend like he’s a habit you need to get rid of so you definitely need to leave. First of all, its hard to break off a relationship with someone you’re sexually active with. I’ll advice you to stay away for a while – not hang out in your usual places and if you have mutual friends, take them away from that area. It takes time to heal but you’ll need space too. This is just a piece of advice and hopefully it would work for you.

Dr Love.

Dear Dr Love,

I have been in a relationship with this guy for about a year. Everyone says we look good together and I love him. I believe he loves me too though people tell me he’s cheating on me. All men cheat right? And he’s hit me only a few times but a few of my friends say I should leave him. If he loves me and I love him thats enough right? What if I leave him and its worse out there?

Confused.

Dear Confused,

For you to write in to me in the first place shows that you’re having your doubts. First things first – People say you look good together? That doesn’t count for anything. You should never base your relationship decisions on looks or what ‘people’ say. And no!!! Not ALL men cheat. There are men that are faithful to their partners but that’s not what I’ll base my advice on. All I have to say is that if a guy hits you before he gets married to you then what guarantee do you have when you get married and he legally ‘owns you’ that he wouldn’t do worse? Staying with him at this point cannot just be for a casual relationship because you’ve been together for over a year. Think about all the factors involved and I hope you make the right decision. I’d say stay away from him for at least a while or break up completely but I hope you’re happy with whatever you choose to do.

Dr Love.

Dear Dr Love,

I am naturally free with ladies plus most of my closest friends are ladies but my girlfriend always complains of it … we’ve reached the point where my life is like through an x-ray! I am questioned for everyone I talk to!! And its getting me worn out … What do I do?? Do I wait for the right lady that would accept my relating with other ladies or do I have to change myself to please her …

A reader.

Dear reader,

The worst mistake you can make in life is to change yourself to please someone. If there is need for change, it should be you changing to better yourself because paradventure that person leaves your life, you’ll revert to the ‘old’ you. That aside, you should know that the key to a successful relationship is compromise. You may need to be a little more sensitive to your girlfriend’s feelings. Quite alright she might just be jealous but try and reevaluate the way you relate with other ladies. Girls want to feel special and if she feels like she’s just one of your many friends but with a title, she may get a little paranoid. I’d suggest you try and make a conscious effort to make your girlfriend feel extra special. If she’s insistent on you cutting off your friends, then maybe its time to take a break. Not necessarily a break-up but a break from each other and reevaluate your relationship. One way or the other, whatever happens is probably for the best.

Dr Love.

Our first letter:

Dear Dr Love,

I saw your blog this morning and I decided to give it a try. Well, there’s this guy I really like but I’m not sure he likes me back. Sometimes though, he acts like he likes me and other times I feel like he couldn’t care less but is he acting that way so that I don’t know? I’m confused. What do you think?

A Friend.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your letter and congratulations on being the first person to write in to me. First of all, try to act normal around him. That’s the cardinal rule of  ‘play it cool’. If he likes you and you throw yourself all over him, there is a strong tendency for him to be turned off. On the contrary, if he doesn’t like you and you put yourself all out there, it  would most likely end up in one of two ways – You’d either end up being embarrased big time or he’d take advantage of your feelings and you’d end up hating him. So take a backseat and watch how things unfold … You’d be surprised to see how much more of what’s happening around you you can assimilate when you’re not anxious. Goodluck!

Dr Love.

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