Scared. Of?


I’ve been here before don’t get me wrong and I’ve come out of it. But recently, at least for the past few weeks I’ve been scared. Scared of what? I don’t know. All I know is I’m ‘scared’ …
Maybe of responsibility … I have been busy a lot lately. Been in and out of many things. Been trying to juggle so many aspects of my life so maybe I’m scared of responsibility.
Maybe of being a disappointment, failing people who expect much from me. I feel like I need to be near perfect at least to be an example to certain young ones looking up to me. Not living up to my full potential. I’m trying to read and understand but its hard and I try to remember but its even harder. The easiest thing to do right now is to pay attention in class though that’s hard as well. Still I don’t know what I’m scared of.
Maybe of failing … Not being where I used to be or where I want to be. Failing academically, socially, spiritually, morally even financially – not so sure about mentally or is being scared already doing that?
Maybe of success – Scaling through even when I know what little my efforts did. The way God favors me though … I’m scared that I’ll succeed and no longer give Him glory. I’m scared that I’ll succeed and just expect it, no longer appreciate it. I’m scared that I’ll succeed and it would blow my head up, I’d no longer acknowledge Him. But I want success …
Maybe of sickness. The past two weeks I’ve been falling in and out of one thing or the other. The other day, a friend screamed that I was burning and I felt nothing. I’m scared of hospital bills especially if its no big deal, I’d probably even get worse in that environment anyway. I’m scared of missing attendances, missing classes, missing tests. I’m scared of the drugs – I don’t want to live off drugs. I’m scared of being vulnerable …
Maybe of BEING A BURDEN; I feel like I might be a burden, to myself, my family, my friends, even to God sometimes. I know I can’t do nothing on my own strength but I feel like I don’t even try hard enough. My family loves me (I mean who wouldn’t ;)) but I feel I ask for too much sometimes and they’d go out of their way to make me comfortable. To myself – I dunno how – I just feel I am. See with thoughts like that in my little mind obviously I stress myself. In short, I’m a burden to me. When I ask for stuff sometimes from my friends, by the reactions of some of ’em I regret even asking in the first place or I feel I always ask a few for too much when I don’t give enough or I bug ’em too much but they are just too nice to send me away …
Which brings me to ‘Maybe of REJECTION’. I’d rather stay in my lane than have you kick me out of yours 🙂

I’m scared of a lot of things. I’m scared of me – of being me sometimes. It can be overwhelming – Sometimes I feel its too much. I don’t know why but I just am. This is not born of depression (don’t worry), just the ramblings of a scared ……. year old but I still leave myself to God after all at the end of the day I can do NOTHING.
I’m human too and I need prayers as well. 🙂

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1st April 2012


“Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.”
– Roger Crawford

Like I’ve said before, your reaction to situations is key to your moving forward. If you choose to let challenges overwhelm you, then failure is what you’ve chosen to receive. On the other hand, choosing to face your challenges and learn from mistakes, you’ve decided to forge ahead. This week remember this:
Challenges will come, your reaction to them – that’s where your future comes from!
– Bondess007™

True the action usually determines a reaction but break the norm. You can’t be great if you’re like everyone else.
Have a great week and happy new month!!!