Posted in Life

I saw this story and had to share it:

Once upon a time, there was a rich king who had four wives.He loved his 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.He also loved the third wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.He also loved his second wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the king faced a problem, he would confide in her and she would help him get through the difficult times.The King’s first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However he did not love her. Although she loved him deeply, he did not take notice of her. One day the King fell ill and was about to die. He thought about his life and wondered ‘Now I have four wives but I’ll be alone when I die’.
So he called his fourth wife and said ‘I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Will you follow me and keep me company?’ She shouted ‘No way!’ and walked away without another word. Her answer pierced his heart.
Then he called his third wife, ‘I loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying will you follow me and keep me company?’ The third wife replied ‘No! When you die i am going to remarry.‘ His heart sank.
He turned to his second wife ‘I have always turned to you for help and you have always been there. When I die, would you go with me?’ She said ‘I’m sorry I can’t help you this time. The best I can do is walk you to your grave.’ The king was devastated.
A voice called out ‘I’ll go with you no matter where you go’. The king looked up and saw His first wife, skinny from malnutrition and regret and the king greatly grieved said ‘I should have taken better care of you when I had the chance’.

Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die. Our possessions, status and wealth are our 3rd wife. When we die, it will go to others. Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest hey can stand by us is to walk us to our graves And our 1st wife is our soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
Our soul is the only thing that would follow us wherever we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that sticks for eternity.

I learnt back in high school that the road of ‘I don’t care’ would lead you to the house of ‘Had I known’. I’m all for living a life of no regrets. Who’s with me?

Posted in Uncategorized

Me – Unedited

I’ve wanted to write for so long and I can say I’ve been busy (which I have) or I ‘ve been tryna sort out my thoughts (which is true) or some other excuse (which probably has its origin somewhere in the truth) and I still don’t know what to write so I’ll let this flow.

I’m sorry for not having time for my friends lately, I’ve been too caught up in my own little world and too absorbed planning for everything that just might go wrong. I usually know exactly what to say – the right words are always at the tip of my tongue but lately I’ve been outta sort.
I’ve had to depend on people,
I’ve had to let go of control,
I’ve had to let people in,
I’ve had to show my heart.
I love to be needed – I hate needing someone but life has taught me it works both ways. I hafta need you, you need to need me so we can help each other and ‘relate’ like ‘ships’.. I’m not the me I used to be – far from it – yet I’m not the me I should be but I hope I’m getting closer everyday.

I try too hard to sound right now it sounds fake even to me. I try so hard not to let my feelings show it sounds forced even to me. I try too hard to remain unattached it sounds cold even to me. I try so hard to be different it sounds desperate even to me.

I try – This I do.
I guess I should just feel and let it flow …
I’ll try that – No I’ll do
And hopefully I’ve not sank too low.

I wanna believe in love – and happily ever after.
Okay maybe I do, just not for me,
It may happen who knows – then again I’m just another …
Another being, another case, another slave who’s been set free.

I believe in someday … I really do
I believe in family, I want kids too
I believe in love, I believe in two

Again I’m sorry if I’ve come across as strange to you, I’m trying to figure out what next to do, the next step to take and sometimes its not as easy as putting one foot in front of the next.

I’m not reading through before I post this – I hope its okay but then even if it isn’t its straight from my heart.

Posted in Uncategorized

Scared. Of?

I’ve been here before don’t get me wrong and I’ve come out of it. But recently, at least for the past few weeks I’ve been scared. Scared of what? I don’t know. All I know is I’m ‘scared’ …
Maybe of responsibility … I have been busy a lot lately. Been in and out of many things. Been trying to juggle so many aspects of my life so maybe I’m scared of responsibility.
Maybe of being a disappointment, failing people who expect much from me. I feel like I need to be near perfect at least to be an example to certain young ones looking up to me. Not living up to my full potential. I’m trying to read and understand but its hard and I try to remember but its even harder. The easiest thing to do right now is to pay attention in class though that’s hard as well. Still I don’t know what I’m scared of.
Maybe of failing … Not being where I used to be or where I want to be. Failing academically, socially, spiritually, morally even financially – not so sure about mentally or is being scared already doing that?
Maybe of success – Scaling through even when I know what little my efforts did. The way God favors me though … I’m scared that I’ll succeed and no longer give Him glory. I’m scared that I’ll succeed and just expect it, no longer appreciate it. I’m scared that I’ll succeed and it would blow my head up, I’d no longer acknowledge Him. But I want success …
Maybe of sickness. The past two weeks I’ve been falling in and out of one thing or the other. The other day, a friend screamed that I was burning and I felt nothing. I’m scared of hospital bills especially if its no big deal, I’d probably even get worse in that environment anyway. I’m scared of missing attendances, missing classes, missing tests. I’m scared of the drugs – I don’t want to live off drugs. I’m scared of being vulnerable …
Maybe of BEING A BURDEN; I feel like I might be a burden, to myself, my family, my friends, even to God sometimes. I know I can’t do nothing on my own strength but I feel like I don’t even try hard enough. My family loves me (I mean who wouldn’t ;)) but I feel I ask for too much sometimes and they’d go out of their way to make me comfortable. To myself – I dunno how – I just feel I am. See with thoughts like that in my little mind obviously I stress myself. In short, I’m a burden to me. When I ask for stuff sometimes from my friends, by the reactions of some of ’em I regret even asking in the first place or I feel I always ask a few for too much when I don’t give enough or I bug ’em too much but they are just too nice to send me away …
Which brings me to ‘Maybe of REJECTION’. I’d rather stay in my lane than have you kick me out of yours 🙂

I’m scared of a lot of things. I’m scared of me – of being me sometimes. It can be overwhelming – Sometimes I feel its too much. I don’t know why but I just am. This is not born of depression (don’t worry), just the ramblings of a scared ……. year old but I still leave myself to God after all at the end of the day I can do NOTHING.
I’m human too and I need prayers as well. 🙂

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