Fitfam Struggle

I can’t believe its almost October. Yay!

Hey fitfam, where y’all at?

So the other day, a friend was in the area so I left home to go see him. Leaving home, I wore my fitfam watch for calculating my steps and then set out. The ‘waka’ was plenty and eventually on my way back home, my step count was almost 4,500 steps (can’t remember the exact figure at the moment).

This was all within a one hour period. I was pretty excited thinking of all the calories I had burned. Once I got home, I settled down and downed the bottle of fanta that this friend got for me. It was cold and the weather was hot. That was when it clicked.

A lot of times, we complain about how much work we’re doing and we’re not seeing results but those unconscious moments of refreshing yourself from the heat may be slowing down your progress. They may seem ‘fantastic’ in the moment (see what I did there? *wink*) but ultimately, intentionality and discipline are key to progress.

Now fitfam I will be walking more steps and drinking less carbonated drinks but can someone promise me something to motivate me – something like red velvet or ice cream cake!!!

Okay I’m done.
Hehehe,
Shay.

The Scam called ‘I’m fine’

Happy new month everyone!

Let me warn you in advance that this is another rant. Today I’m here to talk about one of the biggest scams that ever existed – I’m fine. I remember a friend of mine back then that would always probe beyond my ‘I’m fine’s and it seemed like he was overdoing it but it was what I needed.

Now, there are people dying and all they need you to do is ask one more question beyond I’m fine. It tells them you care. It shows them that you are genuinely listening. It gives them the opportunity to choose to be vulnerable.

The problem now is that most of us don’t know how to react to vulnerability. Don’t tell me that someone has it worse and I should be grateful; because my hurt is my hurt – my pain is my pain. Please allow me to feel it and help me heal from it.

I was the ‘fine’ friend. Still am but things are way better now. It was not anyone’s first instinct to check on me. It’s more like checking on me to accuse me of not checking on them. And the truth is I’d apologize. And once again,  I’d listen to the burdens of their hearts and help out. And like human nature so as not to feel too guilty, I’d hear them ask the question, How are you? Or sometimes it’s the ‘You?’ response to my own question. As usual, I’d say fine.

Sometimes I’d have summoned up the courage to say ‘I’ve been better’ but I’d get an ‘It could be worse’ or ‘It is well’ response. Please let’s go out of our way to listen to people. Be genuinely interested in them. I know we all can’t handle heavy stuff but sometimes, the best way to help is to know that there’s even a problem in the first place.

I heard this month is Suicide Awareness Month. Please reach out to your friend that’s always fine. It would go a long way.

Love you guys always and my dms are always open,

Shay.

Follow @ganaijachic on Instagram or send a mail to shadesofshaysos@gmail.com

P.S. Our IG’s moving to the_shadesofshay very soon. Be sure to follow and stay tuned for updates.

What’s the catch?

It’s almost September!!  Yay 😀

Today’s post is another one in this being vulnerable thing. It’s about accepting love. I had a conversation with a friend recently about how I subconsciously brush off compliments. I literally avoid them because they make me feel uncomfortable and today the why clicked.

God made me understand that as loving as I can be to others and as much as I like to bask in His love, I’m still holding back from accepting love. Now note that I didn’t grow up in a broken home or an abusive home. In fact, my family looked like the perfect picture of love.

I’m sure you know there’s a but. Here it is: I had my trust betrayed by someone I loved and as much as I seemed indifferent about it, it affected my view of life completely. It was one of those ‘If you could do this, then who can I trust’ moments. My world literally came crashing down. It took me a while to restore my relationship with God as well because of this incident but since then I was scared to let people in. I remember telling someone that I had my heart locked in an iron chest chained with strong metal and thrown into the bottom of the deepest sea. Eventually, I got out of that phase but I never completely healed I guess.

It felt like an inconsequential hurt compared to those healing from sexual abuse and rape or physical abuse and abandonment or rejection and divorce so I felt guilty even thinking about it as an issue. I’m here to tell you now though that your pain is as real to you as the other person’s is and you need to heal too.

Another reason I guess it was hard for me to accept ‘love’ was because I didn’t know what it looked like really. I mean love from friends – beyond family. I felt it was something that was give and take by force. It is give and take  quite alright but it is more of a voluntary thing. I felt obligated to give something once I received ‘love’ whether it was my money or my body or something else. To me, something had to go and I didn’t always have something to go. As confident as I appeared to be, I battled seriously with my self esteem.

I’m learning now, because I’ve relearned the love of God, that there is pure love out there and I can now start receiving it. I’ve learned about who I am in Christ and I’m confident in that. I’ve learned about love that loves me just because. Not for what I’ve done or even who I am but just because.

I’ve learned that there is love – without a catch.

No matter what your hurt is, you need to heal. It would always be a factor in the way you view love and sometimes how you give and receive it.

I’m still in process but if you need someone to talk to, dm me @ganaijachic or send a mail to shadesofshaysos@gmail.com

Happy New Month in advance.