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The Scam called ‘I’m fine’


Happy new month everyone!
Let me warn you in advance that this is another rant. Today I’m here to talk about one of the biggest scams that ever existed – I’m fine. I remember a friend of mine back then that would always probe beyond my ‘I’m fine’s and it seemed like he was overdoing it but it was what I needed.
Now, there are people dying and all they need you to do is ask one more question beyond I’m fine. It tells them you care. It shows them that you are genuinely listening. It gives them the opportunity to choose to be vulnerable.
The problem now is that most of us don’t know how to react to vulnerability. Don’t tell me that someone has it worse and I should be grateful; because my hurt is my hurt – my pain is my pain. Please allow me to feel it and help me heal from it.
I was the ‘fine’ friend. Still am but things are way better now. It was not anyone’s first instinct to check on me. It’s more like checking on me to accuse me of not checking on them. And the truth is I’d apologize. And once again,  I’d listen to the burdens of their hearts and help out. And like human nature so as not to feel too guilty, I’d hear them ask the question, How are you? Or sometimes it’s the ‘You?’ response to my own question. As usual, I’d say fine.
Sometimes I’d have summoned up the courage to say ‘I’ve been better’ but I’d get an ‘It could be worse’ or ‘It is well’ response. Please let’s go out of our way to listen to people. Be genuinely interested in them. I know we all can’t handle heavy stuff but sometimes, the best way to help is to know that there’s even a problem in the first place.
I heard this month is Suicide Awareness Month. Please reach out to your friend that’s always fine. It would go a long way.
Love you guys always and my dms are always open,
Shay.
Follow @ganaijachic on Instagram or send a mail to shadesofshaysos@gmail.com
P.S. Our IG’s moving to the_shadesofshay very soon. Be sure to follow and stay tuned for updates.
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What’s the catch?


It’s almost September!!  Yay 😀
Today’s post is another one in this being vulnerable thing. It’s about accepting love. I had a conversation with a friend recently about how I subconsciously brush off compliments. I literally avoid them because they make me feel uncomfortable and today the why clicked.
God made me understand that as loving as I can be to others and as much as I like to bask in His love, I’m still holding back from accepting love. Now note that I didn’t grow up in a broken home or an abusive home. In fact, my family looked like the perfect picture of love.
I’m sure you know there’s a but. Here it is: I had my trust betrayed by someone I loved and as much as I seemed indifferent about it, it affected my view of life completely. It was one of those ‘If you could do this, then who can I trust’ moments. My world literally came crashing down. It took me a while to restore my relationship with God as well because of this incident but since then I was scared to let people in. I remember telling someone that I had my heart locked in an iron chest chained with strong metal and thrown into the bottom of the deepest sea. Eventually, I got out of that phase but I never completely healed I guess.
It felt like an inconsequential hurt compared to those healing from sexual abuse and rape or physical abuse and abandonment or rejection and divorce so I felt guilty even thinking about it as an issue. I’m here to tell you now though that your pain is as real to you as the other person’s is and you need to heal too.
Another reason I guess it was hard for me to accept ‘love’ was because I didn’t know what it looked like really. I mean love from friends – beyond family. I felt it was something that was give and take by force. It is give and take  quite alright but it is more of a voluntary thing. I felt obligated to give something once I received ‘love’ whether it was my money or my body or something else. To me, something had to go and I didn’t always have something to go. As confident as I appeared to be, I battled seriously with my self esteem.
I’m learning now, because I’ve relearned the love of God, that there is pure love out there and I can now start receiving it. I’ve learned about who I am in Christ and I’m confident in that. I’ve learned about love that loves me just because. Not for what I’ve done or even who I am but just because.
I’ve learned that there is love – without a catch.
No matter what your hurt is, you need to heal. It would always be a factor in the way you view love and sometimes how you give and receive it.
I’m still in process but if you need someone to talk to, dm me @ganaijachic or send a mail to shadesofshaysos@gmail.com
Happy New Month in advance.
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Slay or Nah?


Hi everyone. It’s the last Sunday in August in a bit!!!  Where did the year fly to? For those that follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I started a Sunday Picture series but today might just be the last consecutive Sunday.
Sidenote: I was thinking of starting Saturdays too because I’ve been looking fine these past few Saturdays 😉
Anyway, speaking of pictures, the first thing I usually see when I look at a picture of myself is not how fine I look or how good a dress fits but I see what’s wrong – the extra fat in my arms,  the folds in my dress,  the little tummy pouch showing – just not something I’d appreciate about me. I’ve been on a conscious journey to love myself totally and today I looked at a picture and saw my face first – how peaceful I looked and how nice my hair was. Then I saw how well the dress complimented my skin and eventually I did see the folds and realised that I could not take my eyes off them but  you know what?  I did. And I looked at my face again and admired my eyes and how beautiful they are. I admired the half smile on my face that told me that I’m paying attention and I may not know what is happening but God is in the details.
Guess what happened after? Nope, I didn’t automatically become immune. I then saw the size of my arms 😂 but in the walk of consciousness, consistency and intentionality are key.
What’s the point of my whole rant? Love you and celebrate you especially your ‘imperfections’. What you don’t like, feel free to work on to make better but while in process, enjoy it. Appreciate every stage and development. Even when you don’t like you, God loves you and He’s created you perfectly for what He’s called you to do. You’re literally designed to specification (down to what your partner needs – trust me He’s that intentional).
God is teaching me to be vulnerable. He dropped this in my heart earlier this week:
“Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. “
Matthew 5:16 MSG
I just want you to know for now that you’re on His heart. He is super intentional about you and He’s interested in you. Feel free to break down before Him. He knows you’re hurting anyway so why not just let Him hold you and heal you. The Father loves you my darling.
I might be sharing snippets of my story from time to time and lessons learnt as well. I just need you to remember that God loves you. If you need to talk or reach out to someone or pray with someone,  send me a dm on Instagram @ganaijachic or you can mail shadesofshaysos@gmail.com.
Bask in His love. He’s crazy in love with you!
Shay.
P.S. You guys know my rants are unedited and not proofread. Please forgive errors. I promise I’ll come back to cross check eventually.